Episode 12: Stuff You Asked Us LIVE

We went full AMA (Ask Me Anything) mode – real questions from our audience, coming in live as we recorded. No prep, no scripts, just honest answers, unexpected tangents, and a few surprisingly useful gems that popped up along the way.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Thank you. So here we are, episode 12 already. Oh, how did that happen? Oh, no idea. But the fun thing about this episode is this is the one called Stuff You Asked Us, sort of. And in classic Taz and Asha style, we forgot to tell people that we wanted their questions. So I've just dropped a note in some of our WhatsApp groups and we've got questions coming through to us live as we record this. Oh, how exciting. How really scary as well, but how exciting. I know. Just quickly though, anything you've learned about recording a podcast since the last episode and we can go on for quite a while I think the last one was 50 plus minutes I know it was all about woo I know what's we've got to do with that well an awful lot by the sounds of things yeah you can keep a timer all you like but if there's a topic that you want to ramble on about and you feel passionately about like we do with all of these then you still have got to keep an eye on your time but hopefully you'll get to the end of that very long podcast hopefully hopefully you enjoyed it okay so without without further ado let's have a look at some of these questions that we've got coming in I'll be the question master oh no that means I've got to answer first that's not fair well it's apt for you actually the first question that's come in is from Jodie Fraser hi Jodie she's in property management she also has an amazing podcast called Beyond Four Walls she does very good Jodie's question is what would you say to someone who feels like their story isn't big enough to make an impact I'd say listen Let me be the judge of that. No, that's really going. I'd say work with somebody that will help you to tease out that story because everybody's got a story big enough to make an impact. It's just how you present it, how you work with your story to bring out those best bits that are going to resonate with the audience and want them to work with you. I think everybody has. So it's about persevering with it. Don't listen to that voice in your head saying it's not big enough. It's not good enough. It's not exciting enough. Oh, yes, it is. Everybody's got a story. so I think that's an old wives tale really for want of a better phrase I think it's just believing that there is something there even if you can't see it sometimes you just need that third party to come in and say actually or just a conversation with a friend is going to say of course you've got a story to share and you know what sometimes we can say that it's a good procrastination tool to have that response or that reaction when somebody says what's your story because we have got them there you just need to give yourself the time to bring that forward so that you can work with it absolutely yeah and i think for me times people have said that they've said things like well it's okay for you because you've you know you've got all that abuse in your past and you've got all the exciting things with working with the shamans and medicine people and the fire walking you've been through breakdown i haven't got anything like that but but then hold on but then i'll get them to just just tell me some of the salient points from their life and i will one of my one of my talents is to be able to turn that around very quickly in the same way that people say that they don't know what to say to introduce themselves in the 40 or 60 seconds round at business networking yeah and i'll say tell me what you do and then immediately turn it into a 40 or 60 second pitch and i'll go how did you do that could you just say that again or can you record that for me i think sometimes it's just about somebody without all of the kind of self-imposed barriers it's about a third party listening to your knowledge and your story and and and giving that back to you as someone who's just heard it in a way that you can't hear it yourself yeah exactly and I use the phrase quite a bit performance anxiety but sometimes we can be stuck in that so when people say to you ask that question what's it about you can freeze you know and think what am I going to say I know because that's happened to me but I had a prime example today we're over at Aventus again near Market Deeping which is where we record some of these and I've just learned about somebody that is familiar to both myself and the person i was speaking to um and they've got an incredible story that i didn't i've had conversations but i didn't know about that and i'm thinking wow that's amazing but to them it's just in inverted commas just their story which they may not have placed any value on but that is it's that same thing though isn't it about as not knowing what we know in business when we do it it seems so ordinary it's a bit like when you live somewhere and you never visit the tourist attractions on your doorstep yeah you don't realize just how brilliant the stuff is that's around you and it can be the same with your story okay so our next question there's another one from Jodie actually but I'll circle through some of the others first and then come back if there's time to people who ask more than one is from Claire Crockett who is one of our wisdom keepers on the 13 month and the three year big one and bigger one programs our spiritual empowerment programs she's an amazing reflexologist that's now two words reflexologist she's an amazing reflexologist and and a mindfulness coach and she is based in Buckinghamshire yeah she is based in Buckinghamshire I had to think about that there was smoke coming out of my ears for a second then we had a glitch then we did anyway you can find her under Dover Reflexology Claire is asking what are the merits of using your name rather than a business name as a therapist or coach it's all about personal brand isn't it yeah I mean that's it you want people to remember you it's fantastic to have your name I mean I've got a really sexy business title with Turquoise Tiger but actually it's about it's about Asha Clearwater because I'm behind that name I love both names so why would I not use that it allows me to bring up my personal brand so people get to know me and then as a natural kind of lead on from that they get to know what I do and hopefully they like me they connect with me it resonates what I'm saying maybe connecting in and then my services are there that they can can just naturally move on to that's the way I like to look at it is that a good answer yeah yeah I mean I think my registered business name if you actually looked at official documents would be one of the earlier names I went went by as my business before I was going with Taz Thornton yeah and the reason I switched everything over to Taz Thornton was to force me to stop hiding behind my logo because I think a lot of us do that particularly if we're not confident or maybe we're transitioning away from corporate where we're used to working for a business and or somebody's told us we need to look as though we're punching above our weight. It's always the person that people buy into. So when we're thinking about things like our social media channels, people are going to be searching for you rather than your brand. So if I said to you, who do you want to sit down with? Richard Branson or Virgin? Oprah Winfrey or Harpo Productions? Do you want to sit down with Valentine's Gym or Dunkin'? You know, do you want to sit down back in the day? Would you rather sit down with The Body Shop or Anita erotic who's going to have all the info do you want to go and talk to the good old foundation or jane goodall you know it doesn't mean that those brands don't have worth but the the elements that people connect to are the people think about apple and iphone would that be anywhere without steve jobs no people there's a reason why that phrase just keeps coming back again and again and again people have got to be able to buy you or buy into you before they buy your shit yeah So, yeah, always go with your brand. Build your personal brand. It's your personal brand that people will buy into. So, for instance, there must be a gazillion and one reflexologists, but there's only one Claire Crockett. Well, there probably isn't, actually, statistically. Did you get a little song in there? There's only one Claire Crockett. There's only one Claire Crockett. There you go. Yeah, there's only one Asha Clearwater. There's only one Taz Thornton. There probably aren't, statistically. There's probably more than one. But in terms of doing what we do... how rude well you say that but you know I only knew one Asher and then suddenly I know we had two yesterday we had two didn't we on Tuesday whenever it was Wednesday they're like bosses it's like Verity's you're describing Asher's as bosses thank you I know I've put on a bit of weight but you know Asher's and Verity's think about it I'd only coached one Verity and then you've got two Verity's and now all of a sudden I've got Verity 2 and Verity 3 and they're appearing in coaching groups yes wow there's Verity who moved to the New Forest okay can I ask what's the collaboration collective noun oh would it be a verity a verity that sounds very good i like that verity a verity of verities or a vendetta of verities anyway so yes um use your name stop being scared yeah doesn't mean you can't have a business name and a brand but when you're so showing up in your in your social channels show up as you unless you're wanting to build for instance dove reflexology into some multinational organization with a gazillion than one reflexologist or coming down in some great big pyramid from you sitting at the top just has an idea have you I know 10cc for Claire Crockett she could do something with that with her marketing 10cc as in 10 yes I know but also think about where that comes from I know but that could be anyway sorry I'm digressing so unless there are 10 Claire Crockett's why would you want 10cc no but I mean 10 it could be 10 points 10 you know 10cc it could be or just loving spoonful anyway next question nobody understands me I understand you it scares me sometimes that I understand you it scares myself I scare myself hope that helps Claire and hasn't sent you running hills hope that helps so a question from Claire Pritchard another Claire absolutely what would be a buses what's the term for Claire's oh a clarity of Claire a clutch a clutch of Claire's a clunge of Claire's a clarity of Claire's

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a

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Claire Audient of Claire's. Ooh, okay. A Clairvoyance of Claire's. Oh, God, she's off now. Right, carry on. What was the question? A Chocolatey Claire of Claire's. Yeah, thank you. Okay, now I want a Chocolatey Claire. It is Friday. I don't know why that is important, but hey. Okay. Where was I? You've lost the questions now, haven't you? I have, I have. She has. Bear with, bear with. This is where you need plinky-plonky music before we... So, Claire Pritchard from Butterfly Care, I believe. Yes. So, lovely, lovely lady. What would you say to someone that wanted to explore more things woo? I think we need to be a bit careful given that our last episode was all about woo. So what I would say to anyone wanting to explore more things woo, Claire, is to go and have a listen to episode 11. Nice one.

SPEAKER_01: 11:16

I like

SPEAKER_00: 11:17

that. Self-marketing. I love it. Yeah, I would say, again, it's going to be a bit twee, but what's your heart saying? Drop down into your heart. Connect with your heart. What does... what's interesting you at the moment go with that where are you so I don't know maybe you've been into a woo shop and seen some crystals that you like

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or

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you've read something from somebody about I don't know earth wisdom teachings maybe you follow somebody online that you really connect with I'd say start there and then learn then learn from someone and stick with it for a while give it time to kind of work its way through read and absorb do your research and if you're looking for a spiritual teacher for goodness sake do your research find someone who is ethical grounded isn't up their own root chakra doesn't have a broomstick up their arse doesn't have a trail of broken and crying former students and now former ex-partners behind them doesn't do drama ask around and it's humble that's the other thing it's your humility and that doesn't mean that they can't be confident you can be confident without being an egotistical twat just as you can be proud of what you do and what you've achieved without being arrogant so just ask around tune into your gut and find the right person find the right fit for you never base it on how much somebody charges or whether they are on your doorstep and also may I say not necessarily what other people say as well tune into about the response that you get when you first connect with somebody trust your gut as Taz has just said yeah get some advice from other people that are in the woo area Maybe ask to be able to speak to people who are working with them currently and people who've worked with them in the past. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All kinds of things there. We could go on for a long time, but ultimately, listen to episode 11.

UNKNOWN: 13:14

You've done that.

SPEAKER_00: 13:14

Okay. Oh, we've got some more from that. Have we? Let's go into some of the other threads and get some questions from other people. Okay. Before we come back. I'm ready. My back's twinging. Hang on a minute. I need to stretch. Oh, ow. Right, okay. Dr. Jenny Gordon. Hello, Jenny Gordon. We love you, Jenny. Dr. Jenny Gordon. She of the Jennergy. She of the mother-in-law-some. She is incredible. Jenny asks a two-fold question. Okay. What makes you happy and how often do you argue?

UNKNOWN: 13:43

Ha, ha, ha.

SPEAKER_00: 13:44

oh so arguments really make me happy another day sometimes they might do actually um what makes me happy oh goodness me um seeing the wonders in everyday things particularly in the natural world that makes me happy going out the fact that i'm sitting in an office in the middle of market deeping i can look out and there are currently dragonflies dancing around outside the window and the beauty of those wonderful tiny little creatures on this planet and how much there is to see and the thought that this a tree outside that I'm going to have to go and hug at some point things like that the simple things my marriage makes me happy when we work together on our spiritual empowerment stuff I love all of that and working with nature and the spirits and also oh my goodness me our beautiful fur babies our animals as well I love all of that that makes me happy yeah there's so much so much simple things that make me really happy as long as we take for granted anyone listening to this if you come across one of those days where Asha's in a funk can you please remind her that simple things make her happy which includes me I am a simple thing you make me happy you make me happy too all of the things that Asha just said our family makes me insanely happy our marriage makes me happy our relationship makes me happy good job I've done ladies 28 years 27 you keep adding an extra year don't you Does it feel like 28? Probably 28,000 years. Because I enjoy every moment spent with you, therefore I keep trying to make it longer and longer. Yes. It leads on nicely to the next question. I haven't answered mine yet. Oh, sorry. The other things that make me happy, one of the things that makes me happiest of all, I've got to say I love speaking on stage. Unscripted, just drop me in front of an audience and give me a topic and I love that buzz of being able to tap into all that intuition again and be able to to drop what the audience wants or needs to hear given that Jenny was in tears recently after one of my talks I'm going to go with needs to hear not necessarily wants to hear and the other thing that really really makes me happy is that this is going to sound so twee and cliched but that light that I see switching on in somebody's eyes when we're coaching or we're in some kind of session and you can I can see that they're just starting to realise the absolute wonder of their own potential that they are capable of far more than they realised I love that that's beautiful that is beautiful I was going to say something very similar I was like oh blah she got there before me there you go no I was going to say with clients similar thing when they're writing a book or content and they're thinking I haven't got a story and then they'll say something and as they say it's that acknowledgement in themselves that actually wow yeah I have done that I have had that experience maybe that could help somebody else and I love that and that is such a beautiful privilege to be part of and you know the other thing and I bet this will ring bells with you you start rifling through old papers or going through old files and start reading something and thinking god that's good and then go who wrote that and then go oh wow I wrote it before the days of HHGPT have you ever done that anyone listening where you've picked up something you'd forgotten about and thought wow and then realised you did it that's a lovely little reminder lovely reminder how often do we argue here's the thing is it bickering or is it arguing I think argue crime is an argument when we argue I should think the whole street probably hears one because I get really loud everybody what's really interesting is that I think people that know me quite well know that that I'm the one with a bit of a temper it's not Taz she puts up with a lot from me thank you Ash was allowed to get loud during an argument but if I shout back she'll tell me off because the neighbours might hear yeah I'm all about that you can't let the neighbours hear but you're okay to shout yeah oh yeah it doesn't count because nobody hears it because it's angelic I'm joking but we do I do argue. If only you could see my face right now, listeners. on the rare occasions and it is pretty rare we bicker a lot but I think there's a lot of love in that we laugh at ourselves sometimes we'll be bickering about really silly things you'll hear this on this it's like a tennis match and the ball's going over the net 15 or deuce advantage Taz rarely rarely that rarely happens it's usually advantage yeah well okay all right I'll take that but my serve's better definitely no but it's yeah and I think we kind of get to the point where sometimes hopefully a lot of the time if we're doing that I do the silent treatment very well and I can be an absolute bugger with that I hate the silent treatment I know and I know that she does so that's really a low blow but then usually I'll just escape upstairs somewhere and then you do the passive aggressive thing better than I do don't you yes yes but she hates it if I call it that yes I know and that just makes me more angry but yes so yeah I'd rather just blast it all out there deal with it and move on whereas you store things more I'm learning and hence why working with a third party helps a lot because it allows me to be challenged on that in a way that Taz will challenge me and all she'll get is a tirade of abuse don't treat me like one of your coaching clients stop coaching me exactly so it needs a third party to step in and joking aside that is really helpful if anybody's going through that in a partnership I never ever ever thought I've come from a generation of people that learn you keep it all inside you don't talk about it and you don't brushed under the carpet you need crampons to get across the room exactly you know sky high the carpet full of crap that you haven't dealt with you haven't talked about you haven't let out and so on coming back from that and so kind of having counselling therapy has helped me a lot would you say for clarity that the counselling therapy you're having isn't just because of us oh god no no no no it's about lots of stuff but what I'm saying is within this context it's been an absolute weight off my shoulders and your shoulders hasn't it because yeah exactly so I hope it has yes I love Greg Greg deserves a sainthood love you Greg love you am I allowed to say that coach Greg yeah coach Greg deserves a sainthood he does so I hope that answers your question Jenny in a roundabout way what about you Taz because you haven't really what have you said about that how often do we argue for me as little as possible I'm a big believer in not sitting on things and if there's an issue then bring it to the table and do the kind of autopsy without blame thing but in my very much kind of roses round the door view I don't believe we should ever need to argue we should be able to sit around a table or next to each other on the sofa wherever you happen to be and have a grown up discussion taking full responsibility for everything and without judging or blaming or pointing the finger and learn and grow together you should even be able to end on a point where neither of you agree but you've at least heard one another that doesn't mean that I think we should keep things inside I'm absolutely not for repressing feelings but I think there are better ways to get our energy out than arguing we're all going to have situations where we get so wound up that we just need to explode but I don't think that necessarily needs to be at another person so I guess we just approach it from different areas one of my things I've realised is that projection you know placing stuff onto you that she is my shit to deal with and to work through so that's another thing isn't it that we've worked I've worked hard at and continue to work hard at because I'm recognizing that in myself but the fact that we I think throughout all of this when we if we do have those arguments at some point whether you want to call it spirit or just something will come up them that will break it will break that spell that we're in if you like or under using spell in a negative way which probably isn't a good way of using it but that will actually break state so that we can laugh about about it later on and actually use humour and a lot of that a lot of the humour diffuses things sometimes it's used to kind of deflect but very often something funny will come in and we'll both see that silly zany sense of humour will bring us through as well and I think humour is so important in relationships laughing at yourselves yeah it's also about being able to spot the patterns isn't it so way back when you know we were both kind of in various stages of perimenopause at the same time yeah people often used to say must be lovely to women you know because you understand each other I bet your periods even sync with each other don't they that's lovely and then we'd say yes now would you like to imagine two sets of hormones in the same house at the same time oh didn't think of that two sets of perimenopause that was fun but when we were spotting that we were going into patterns and having the same kind of arguments discussions over and over with no real point to it

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yeah

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we came up with a state breaker like a code word a safe word if you like and we we said look We need to come up with some kind of word or signal where whichever one of us recognises that we're going into this same pattern first says the word, at which point we both have to just take a step back, take a breath and agree to move through this calmly together and to just stop falling into that rabbit hole. And ours was Lady Bird. And we've talked about that so much and I think that kind of saved us an awful lot, particularly after all the Thea and Freya fallout and the giant tax bill fallout yeah I think that really really made a difference for us and since then you know people have bought us ladybirds we've got we've bought ourselves ladybirds we've got ladybird coasters we've got ladybird cushions we've got really really tacky beautifully tacky garden ornaments with gonks riding ladybirds yeah we actually have in the garden so every time we go out you know often sometimes in an argument I want to retreat and kind of run away that child element goes I want to run away instead of working through it so now if I go outside I've got a visual reminder in a really tacky but gloriously tacky. Just say, come on, get a grip now. Come on, just come back in. Particularly if it's night time and the solar lights on the ladybird have lit up. It's going, for goodness sake. Ladybird with tacky glowing eyes. Work through this. Thank you, ladybird. Amazing teacher. Okay, so next question from Tammy Townsend. Oh, Tammy's a multi-talented woman. Does an awful lot of brilliant events organising and party balloons. She's amazing. She is indeed. Tammy's asked, going what hidden talents do you have? I think I'm still trying to discover mine. I don't know. What hidden talents do I have, Taz? Maybe we should answer that for the other one. I don't know. I'm really stumped on that. After you, what have you got? I can tie a cherry stalk into a knot with my tongue. Very useful. I'll just leave that there. Well, I can't beat that, really. Not that I need to, but competitive side of it. What do you think? What hidden talents do I have, Taz? Asha has a wonderful high everybody with some kind of neurodivergence has well a lot of us have a particular hyper focus so mine might be on kind of sci-fi and fantasy and you know marvel marvel movies or give me a greek mythology mythology

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yeah

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asha hyper focuses on disasters oh yeah do

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yeah

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so i could ask her some random stats from a disaster and she'd probably be able to answer it with some degree of accuracy everything from the titan titanic through to the twin towers through to hill you should probably be able to just pull up some random factoids I probably would yeah I'm trying to reduce that now I'm trying to move on to other things my latest thing is spiders yeah you're hyper focusing on spiders and you used to be really afraid of spiders I can still be the bigger ones I struggle with the big house spiders but I've also belonged to I've just joined in the last few weeks joined a spider group on Facebook and it's really fascinating so every third post on my Facebook now is a great big image of a spider so it's helping me immerse therapy it's helping me to get used to them and the other day I just kind of I did help remove one didn't I somewhere or do something it's just like wow I couldn't have done that six months ago so it's been really helpful in fact yesterday in our kitchen we've got a beautiful glorious spider who we've called which one oh hang on we've got several actually the house spider or the false widow we've got a house spider called Boris haven't we yeah and a false widow called Bertha yeah Bertha yeah Bertha and she decided to take down a wasp yesterday I know I've never seen anything like it were you actually running out of a well yeah it wasn't even properly caught in the web she just ran across and pounced on it and pushed it into the web amazing and then she was I was trying to get it out of the house and then before she wrapped him in a parcel and then she yeah enough sorry hyper focus sorry I think one of your hidden talents and it shouldn't be hidden given the work that you do but it's hidden because you don't share it in I think one of your hidden talents is actually your writing when you pull up some of your old pieces of writing and I read them they're absolutely soul-stirringly beautiful but they just sit there gathering dust and lying dormant because you don't have the confidence to publish them or you don't think they're good enough or they're unfinished because you run out of confidence for them and I think it's an absolute travesty and a disaster to the world that you're not sharing that talent more. Thank you. She is crying a little bit. I'm not. I'm not crying. That's something in my eye. She is. She's got watery eyeballs. She's got watery eyes. Okay. Morgan Cleave, tell us more about your role-playing days. Over to you, Taz. That's not me. For anyone wondering, it's not as you may think. Morgan is referring to something we were talking about a while back where I used to be a So that dates it. It does. Probably all I'm going to say on that. There's also quite a few pieces of fan fiction out there on various sites. If you knew what to look for and knew which name I used to write under... A bit racy, Taz. The fan fiction is, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, if you knew where to search, what they were, and what pen name to search under, then you could find them. But, ha-ha, you don't. You can find out for a fee, listeners, if you need to. Just let me know. so Heather Odling is asking dead or alive who are your ideal dinner party or campfire guests and why what are you asking them and what secret skill are you impressing them with oh my goodness well for a start I think it'd have to be campfire I like the idea of a campfire but can I have lots of mozzie spray because at this time of year I got bitten to death last night I just literally just went there must be one in our lounge or something and it's bitten the Jesus out of me so okay so who would my ideal dinner party I mean it'd have to be I'm sorry everybody that knows me it's going to drive you mad but lionesses are my heroes heroines at the moment it'd have to be it'd have to be one of the lionesses and if it had to be anybody it'd be Lucy Bronze I mean can you say playing with a broken tibia I just that woman is incredible I'd love an ounce of her determination and bravery and courage and all the rest of it and skill on the football field So, yeah, she'd have to be one, definitely, because I think she'd be a really good dinner party or campfire guest, definitely. And what am I asking? What are you asking them? where did you get your focus from have you always had that focus or is that something that's grown with you as you've got older what's what's driven you right on early on I want to go right back to find out the first time that she I don't know kicked a ball on a foot on a proper football pitch and what that was like and how that drove her to carry on that career because I would imagine there could have been lots of opportunities to take other career routes but why did she pick on that one and I know she's spoken about it a bit but I'd really want to drill down on that What secret skill are you impressing them with? Me? Yeah. Oh well obviously what would happen is we'd have this magical goal post that would arrive the goal and we'd have a ball obviously and then she'd kick it like that one she did in the penalties for Euros this year when she put it right down the middle but I knew it was going to go down the middle and I saved it and she went that's a fantastic save because I was born to be a goalkeeper really I'm just a bit short for that but I think that's my skill My secret skill that actually I'm a brilliant goalkeeper. Of course. Brilliant. Is that fine? I think so. Okay, thanks. I think so, yeah, yeah. Who would mine be? My ideal dinner party or campfire guest would be Asha Clearwater because I love spending time with her

SPEAKER_01: 32:17

whenever I can. Oh, I feel guilty. You're making me feel bad

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now. What am I asking them? I'm asking her when she's going to actually properly reveal her writing talents to the world. What secret skill am I impressing them with? I'll just show what I can do with a cherry stilk. Without the cherry.

UNKNOWN: 32:33

What?

SPEAKER_00: 32:34

What did I do now? Okay, so. Cracking around nearly half an hour already. Wasn't there another one? Yeah, but we're only doing one question from each person. Oh, okay, okay. I think we're going to have way too many questions. We'll have to do an omnibus edition. Okay, omnibus edition. Okay, so Amelia Kate, business support. Brilliant VA in business support. Look up Amelia, everyone. Business bees? Business bees? Amelia is saying, tell us about a risk you nearly didn't take. But you did, and it made a big impact. I'm just trying to think. You go first on that one. No, no, you go first. I'm trying to think. Well, there's a couple that spring to mind immediately. I don't know if it's a big business risk. It's probably, looking at it now, I know time has passed. I'm going right back. But it seemed like quite a big risk at the time. When we started with tweeting times and we were doing stuff online, it took a lot of our time when we were both trying to kind of grow businesses and grow a personal brand. Business B is workflow management, just to give the full title. There you go. sorry Amelia carry on Ash thanks and it was really I think there's that so we went we really pushed ahead with that and spent a lot of time doing it and we got national coverage with it and loads and it really grew and we built quite a big business community with that and it was quite a risk because it was early on in building kind of Turquoise Tiger and all the rest of it and it took us off track a bit but I think it was worth it because it led to so many connections so much coverage didn't it because we ended up in a national award with sky magazine we were in the final with them we lost out to them but we got to the final um so that was a big one um business risk what else what else there was something else that came to mind but i've lost it specifically say business risk it didn't be any risk oh crumbs and then it's it's going vegan going plant based because that was a risk because I didn't really know a lot about it and I thought can I actually is this going to benefit me but it was either that or kind of get more poorly and so I took that and it felt like a big risk because of there's still a lot of misunderstanding about veganism and plant based lifestyles and things we're still learning about that aren't we about what's good for us and not so good for us and so that was a that felt like a big thing for me but it was trying for my physical health and my mental health actually it's the best one of the best things i ever did but at the time it felt like a huge risk and here we go again product of my generation maybe or my upbringing a bit but it was like what will people say a bit like that what will the neighbors say what will people say about it how am i going to defend it am i going to need to defend it so yeah so that felt like a big risk

SPEAKER_02: 35:19

what

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about you probably choosing to be with you because all those years ago so many people did not want us to be together

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it

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broke a lot of relationships us choosing each other so many people did not want me to visibly be stepping away from the heteronormative life that they had designed for me and I risked I left I moved quite a long way away from my hometown from my family I risked losing a lot of people I did lose some people in the process but the heart wants what the heart wants and that was bigger than than anything else and I've never looked back I'm so glad I had the courage to do it when at the time I was quite low on confidence and But I think we could say that's made quite a big impact. Oh, I'm glad you took that risk. Me too. I'll be forever grateful you took that risk. Me too. Love you lots. I love you too. I'm glad you chose Lucy Bronze over me. in the previous episode we were talking about how I tend to hold on to things maybe it was this one Taz is that going to come up and bite me on the arse probably I'm going to get that interview with Lucy Brunson you wait I'm going to get that definitely and you can come on the call as well we can interview her together oh crikey right we're on 36 minutes so we'll just do a couple of extra questions and then we'll have to do either an omnibus or we'll answer the rest in a blog or something yeah carry on from my good old mate Lisa Townsend yay Lisa hey Lisa Lisa and I have, well, we all go back years actually. We used to work for the same business together about a gazillion years ago when she was my deputy. And then when I left, she got promoted to my job and she's never looked back. She's bloody awesome. Best editor in the world. Okay, so one for Taz. What would be your advice to someone who lacks motivation, especially when they have no looming deadline to keep their focus? We see that's an interesting one because if they've got no looming deadline and there's nothing actually pressing, do they need to have motivation? Maybe they actually just need to stop for a while. You don't always need to be motivated. I remember talking to one of my coaching clients a while back who was very, very driven, brilliant, professional, corporate woman who was saying that she felt really lost at sea. She's usually really driven. She knows what she needs to do. She knows which direction she wants to take and the method she gave is that she could see land kind of bobbing in the distance but she just couldn't be bothered to swim for it and I said well then why don't you just flip over on your back and float she'd said she'd just been felt like she was doggy paddling and wasn't getting anywhere well then just flip over and consciously purposely float just let the current take you for a while we don't always need to be motivated if we need to be motivated and we're stuck and we're waiting for motivation to strike one of the things i tend to remind people a lot is to remember that action and motivation are a tag team so most of us wait for motivation to strike before we take action but actually if we find our way a way to just push ourselves to take the action the motivation will very quickly follow like it can i add something as well no it's not technically for me but what immediately sprung to mind i'm going a bit woo again is why not ask motivation what it can teach you Yeah, yeah. And if you're really not motivated at all in your work, then at some point you've got to ask yourself, am I doing the right work? And look at why you're staying in a career, a job, any kind of skill set that does not bring you joy. And if your only answer to that is that I need to for the money, then feel me reaching through the screen to you, and equally giving you a big hug and a big slap because I might believe we have many lifetimes but this is the only one you have right now and you do not want to get to the end of the world the end of your life looking back with if only's there's only so much self sacrifice any one of us can do before actually we're just being a victim and that's not a nice energy to sit in and if you are feeling stuck in a life that does not fit you anymore even if it did once then you don't need to change yourself you need to change your circumstances okay so one for Asher that was to everyone by the way generically Lisa not just at you but feel free to take it if it fits one for Asher from Lisa again okay what do you say to people who think they have nothing interesting to say or talk about when discussing specifically micro books similar to Jodie's but this is micro books first of all I say poppycock poppycock what a great word that is isn't it it's got a real ring to it you have got things to say very often it will be like it's a micro book what is it it's a tiny book it's a small book so you've got to be concise so the first thing I'd say is think of ten things and if you can do it in headlines think of ten headlines for the things that you do. Start with that. What are the things you offer people? How do you solve problems for people? What services, products do you have that offer problems? What do I mean to their problems? Answers to their problems. I don't know. I wasn't listening. Okay, thank you. Well, that's good. Well, that's nice, isn't it? I hope the listeners are listening. I was choosing the next question. Well, thank you very much. Honestly, should we have an argument another way? No. But yeah, now I've completely gone there, Taz. What was I saying? You don't know. I don't know. I wasn't listening. So yeah, think about 10 things things that you help them with or even five things and start there and then come up with some real bullet points around that topic what can you offer then that's a microbook all you need for a microbook is 80 to 100 tips and you can do that you can absolutely do that you just need to break it into categories maybe look at that different areas of what you do and how you do it and little one-liners that you can leave people with so that's where i'd start i'd just start with those little lists i do like a list though if i say the word list to taz you'll probably exactly but I love things like that so start small because it is a small book but it packs a powerful punch so I hope that's a starting point Lisa I'm sorry I got slightly distracted by beautiful okay were you actually listening at that point no okay well two questions I'm gonna we've got thank you so much for the questions you've sent in you've sent in way more than we can handle in one session we'll do another one we'll do another one of these maybe this is a monthly thing that we do maybe it is we'll keep a file with all the questions yeah So our next question is from Vanessa Wallace, who runs the most wonderful retreats. Vanessa asks, what techniques do you guys use to remain consistently visible? Over to you. That's you first. No, you go first. No, I went first on the last one. No, you've got to do it now. You've got to do it. This is that bickering we were talking about. Consistently visible. Ask Vanessa from Crystal Clear Coaching. What techniques? techniques are they techniques I know I don't do enough of it I get gently prodded and kicked by my wife about that because I'm still learning how to grow my own personal brand we'll be raking it in a lot more if she showed up a lot more you can't see me winking at her and nudging her behind the speaker who's the speaker who are they it's me it's me and if not why isn't it it should be tangent woman so I don't know about techniques I think it's about getting into a regular routine and at the heart of it I know this I'm talking to myself as much as to everybody else listening is building in a routine around your content turn it into something that you enjoy for goodness sake don't just sit in front of a laptop or with your phone in hand desperately trying to think of something change body change state go out take a walk go and record a voice note in the park whatever it is to get things moving to get your creativity flowing get into the energy of being in that regular consistent space of content and marketing and just write about what you love. Think about some of the questions that come up from your clients and potential clients. What do they ask you? What do they need help with? And if you don't know, ask them. Actually ask them, what can I help you with? What are you looking for? With the type of work that I do, what would you benefit from right at this moment? What can I help? And see if there's a particular trend with a particular question that comes up again and again. It's your FAQs. Work with those and then suddenly build that into your weekly marketing that you do you know how much realistically in terms of time can you afford to put into your marketing you know we can all sit there and go like Taz's event yesterday her AI event that I was online with her on that one and we had a content a prompt to put into AI and it was like you know can you work with like two hours and I upped it to three hours of marketing for the week and I thought actually it doesn't sound a lot but that is quite a bit and it's more that I've been doing so what can you realistically afford to put into that work and then work from there you know give yourself an opportunity to get out and do something different i.e don't sit in front of a computer if it's just going to drain your energy go out and do it you've got voice notes on your phone you've got other ways of doing it and get it transcribed whatever's easier i always go on about that but if you like to work in that way find a way that works for you i hope that's a very long-winded response so i don't techniques i think that's one of those words again you see i think that might be my adhd brain but that word techniques makes me go oh don't know if I have any techniques yeah you do it's a bit like I hate the idea of having any procedures or processes and of course we all do we all do have processes and procedures and systems but I don't like to think that I have any I think that it's all reflective reactive again I would move away from techniques I'm looking at what's beneath this question and a lot of people ask this question because they are not showing up as much as they know they probably could do with showing up. She was looking at me when she said that. I'm not. I'm looking at the table. I've got your cross eyes. Goodness me. My eyes are not cross. They're gentle and full of love. I know they are. They're beautiful. Not as beautiful and big as Vicky Heads, though. that thing from circle showing up with the big eyes oh yeah oh no it was sam wasn't it sam yeah it was sam it was vicky saying about sam anyway tangent woman vicky and sam i hope you've just had a smile at that yes um it's not about technique for me it's it's it's about changing your mindset around it so there's two there's two aspects to this i'm going to deliberately oversimplify things now if you're running your own business particularly if you're in the service area to really really oversimplify simplify things and chunk right right up you have two jobs either you are doing the work that you do with your clients or you're marketing that's it and of course there's other bits but to chunk right up there the two most important things you need to do to keep your business successful and growing and glowing and out there the other thing I want to say is change your mindset stop thinking of it as having to show up or thinking of it as marketing or thinking oh god we've got to do social media I hate Facebook and LinkedIn and all of that instead wake up every day and ask instead of what do I sell today how can I serve today and when we switch in how can I serve it changes everything and remember that inspiration is around us all the time we can find inspiration everywhere those dragonflies Asha was talking about earlier I could talk about those and what they mean to me and what I've learned there's my remote control dragonfly there's another story about that for another day and whenever I go through something or spot something that inspires me which could be anything I'm pretty sure I could look at a coat hook and get inspired if I needed to goes off searching for coat hook there's a coat hanger up the corner you could use that as a content prompt whenever I find something that inspires me or something that I realise or something I have a moment of deep thought around my default that I've kind of trained myself into I suppose is how could that help somebody else how could I use that to help to inspire to motivate to even just make somebody smile and then what's the quickest route to get to lots of people social media so don't think about it as being social media think about it as being your portal a window to supporting cheerleading share loads of people who really need whatever it is we can offer and our final final question because i said we'd only have two um from the lovely tracy boom tracy boom coaching she is an interpersonal dynamics and business coach if you need to know anything about your communication the way you're communicating with other human beings traces you down um what's the biggest impact your adhd has had on your relationship and how do you manage it manage the adhd or the relationship going for Well, that's similar to the Jenny one, isn't it? one another's brains and being able to sit down and literally go hold on so when I say this or when I do this Where do you actually go? Where do your thoughts, where does your brain actually take you? How are you reacting internally to that? Help me to understand it. Because that's how we recognise that in terms of ADHD, we're probably at different ends of the spectrum. So I'm technically combination, but I display some traits of the hyperactivity type and some elements of the, what's the other one hyperactivity or the thing you've got inattentive inattentive thank you although i think it's fair to say that i'm more towards the hyperactive scale and the thing to be to be interested with those is to bear in mind that particularly with women the hyperactivity often happens inside our heads so even if we're not leaping around like tigger on speed There's a lot of stuff going on behind the surface. So that's it for me. It's given us this reason and this deeper level of understanding where we can literally sit and get really curious with each other about how our brains work, how we react to things and understand things at a much deeper level, which has brought us closer. And actually coming out of that came the micro book that I've almost finished writing, which is about coaching questions for couples to help them go deeper and get to know each other on a deeper level. Yeah, I agree. I think the ADHD diagnosis for Taz has been huge, not just for Taz, but for us as a couple, because it's allowed us to kind of really drill down into what's going on in our wonderful brains. What I'm realizing is we're at opposite ends of that line, aren't we, that scale. And that makes me smile because very often some of the things that we've misunderstood, you know, if we get RSD, rejection sensitive dysphoria, then I can understand why. Because to me, it's like, you know, I spill everything out and sometimes you know inappropriately sometimes but that's part of who I am other times I can go really silent I think that's more the autistic side where I just close in on myself Taz you know we had misunderstandings around they don't care you know for you there's so much going on in your brain we you know we compared that to see what was going on in mine and I was talking about having those moments of peace which are fleeting but are there where there's it's just silence and it's beautiful and Taz is like well I don't think I can remember that happening no I mean I can on one of our spiritual weekends when we're in a spiritual setting I can work really hard to switch off and be in the moment but I remember once sitting with you and saying hold on let me see if I can actually unmask completely unfilter and just try and speak everything that goes through my head and that was a really fascinating exercise for me to do to free up that much that I was just speaking everything as it dropped into my head and I sat there kind of goggle eyed going what or what yeah and it's learning when do you need when we need to retreat a bit either myself or Taz like yesterday was a prime example Taz did her AI workshop yesterday and by within I think it was about 30 minutes to go and I just glitched it was like it's too much and for me one of the telltale signs I say to you is almost what I thought was a hot flush is actually overwhelmed that's the beginning of my overwhelm that is my body's way of saying you need to just kind of take a breath now just take a moment

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and

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so understanding that and because we've been able to talk through that that's a huge realisation for me and also for you about knowing when I'm retreating it's not because I've got the half sometimes it will be because I can be a moody cow but occasionally it will be that and I just need to take a moment to have some space I've actually got a t-shirt that says I need space now on it and the flip side for you with me is nana naps for me I love a good nana nap and you didn't understand why before and you'd get upset if I kind of suddenly needed to go to bed and have a nap And, you know, I'd try sleeping on the sofa, but then I couldn't because, you know, either you and the dogs would be barking. I was going to say that. Woof, woof. Or you'd be saying things pointedly and loudly to make sure that I was listening even if I was trying to sleep. Are you feeling rough? Sorry, bad jokes are off now. This is like tangent. We're off. Sorry, Tracey, you wanted a nice serious... No, she didn't. She knows us too well. But now you've learned more about the way ADHD impacts me and knows that if my dopamine crashes, I just need to go and replenish. You'll tell me now to just go up to bed and have a na-na-na. Whereas before, you'd be like, why does she not want to be with me? Why is she going upstairs? What's she doing? Oh no, no, she doesn't love me anymore. There must be somebody else. I know I've been a bad wife. And all of that rubbish that comes out sometimes. And silly things. A recent example. I pebble a lot. So for anyone who doesn't know what pebbling is. I love

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that phrase.

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It comes from when penguins are courting each other. They exchange little pebbles. So particularly with neurodivergence, it's referred to as pebbling. If we send each other lots of little, I don't know, it might be sharing a... a TikTok video or a quote or an excerpt of a book or something I had online. And I will frequently be sending Ash stuff that I've seen online. I think that will make her smile. And for me, that's a real love language. It's a real expression of love. I mean, there's been some of our friends who were also on the ADHD spectrum. My goodness, if you looked at our backstage Instagram, we're constantly just sending each other great big trains of just... stuff we've sent each other but I used to get really upset because Ash is not she's not even looking I'm spending all this time finding these videos that I know will make her smile and she's not even looking at them and a few weeks back I went you're not even looking at those let's go through the the stuff that you that I've sent you and Ash went through the first what two or three and then went god all this stuff I've already got too much in my head you're just bombarding me you're just sending me all this shit I haven't got time when have you got time to do this what are you sending me all this crap for or something like that and of course because that's my love language boom RSD she wasn't trying to be awful just as I wasn't trying to be a pain it's just that again Asha's inattentive ADHD does not match with my hyper focused send Asha lots and lots and lots of videos that will make her smile what was the original question I'm joking that was my inattentive I've just been sorry inattentive so the biggest impact our ADHD has had on your relationship and how do we manage it the biggest impact is just it's communication it's conversation it's not not ignoring it it's about working with it and learning from one another and having that curious mind that we've both got but for each other again and actually I think it's really helped I wonder how many couples either one or both are on the ADHD spectrum you know they've got that going on and they're not on all the ADHD that aren't talking that have that kind of growing apart when they don't necessarily need to grow apart. It's like two women going through perimenopause. And now we understand, of course, that our ADHD symptoms were heightening during that process that made it worse. Yeah. So if we can get through it, anybody can. Anyway, on that note, we are now on. Crikey, it's another one. This one's longer than the last one. Oh, I'm so sorry. We'll go back to trying to cap them at 30 minutes ago after this one. We're not going to lose loads of listeners now, are we? I hope not. I hope not. Please stay with us. Stay with us. So on that note, see you next Tuesday. You've been listening to Awesomely Off Topic with Taz Thornton and Masha Clearwater. Follow or subscribe so you don't miss whatever wild tangent we wander down next. If you want to find us, you can. We're very Google-able. Catch you soon.